So yea this art thing is hard, I knew it would be from the start, but I thought it would become easier as time went by, sure making art became easier and faster but becoming a better artist got harder and harder.

But that’s not the point of this journal entry.

But first let me say that I’m a noob when it comes to writing, I suck at it, up to now I avoided it, but I want to be more active at blogging, writing and just helping people, I don’t always know what I’m doing and my English just aint up to scratch, my punctuation is almost non existent and fixing most of the mistakes in these journal entries takes 6 times longer than actually writing it, so there you have it.

So lets get to the real point—

All of my life I wanted to be more than the person next to me, but somehow I was never that guy that stood out, I’m still not that guy I guess it has something to do with an all around low expectancy others had of me and my crazy narcissistic outbursts of trying to prove anyone who opposed me wrong. That’s how things started out for me. Everybody said I’m wasting my time and this art thing will never work, so I just had to prove them wrong, and to a good degree I have, but eventually things got out of hand, all of a sudden the bad criticism started to cool down and now things are just too quiet. I systematically cut out all the naysayer’s in my life.
So I’m left with a small group of friends and family that’s extremely close and has always supported me and my endeavors.

Art became more than a tool for revenge and passion, it became my lifestyle and I wasn’t ready for it.

Things started slow and hard for me, but I worked really hard pretty soon work started coming in. It took a good few years.
So I quit my day job to paint all day, I got use to it and pretty soon I started working on Avalon Lords, I loved it, finally something big came along, something I could be part of, a bigger purpose, I still feel this way about it and love working on the game, but it left a huge gap

Becoming a better artist, the problem is that I wasn’t ready for this big leap,my business skills was not up to scratch, sure I might be a somewhat good artist, but outside of doing art I knew nothing. My time management was non existent, I didn’t know anything about being a freelancer, and there was allot of personal problems interfering with my art, my father lost his business, so family was going through a tough time, but somehow I managed to keep my head above the water.

I tried my best and worked even harder, eventually I got into a comfort zone, I knew that there’s allot of work for Avalon Lords, so I worked day in and day out, money was coming in and that’s all that matters.
I forgot why I wanted to do art in the first place. I forgot my love for fantasy, warriors and the stories I loved from my childhood days, I forgot why I loved creating art. All that mattered was the next concept and the next money coming in. I lost track again, as I have done so many times before.

I forgot how much I loved being part of a bigger picture.

Eventually I got distracted by computer games and the likes, started doing less art for myself and it got me so miserable.
I got into this comfort zone and didn’t have much plans for the future, what happens 3 or 4 years from now? What do I want to do? Because at the end of the day most projects gets completed and we have to move on, what happens then, after we have been part of something that big. What happens when our safe train gets derailed?

But I know that I have what it takes to handle anything that gets thrown at me.

So by now I guess we all know that this art career thing is crazy roller coaster ride with low points and high points, its never the constant growth that every newbie expects and hopes it to be.
We see these awesome artists with amazing skills and somehow our mind plays tricks on us, we somehow think that these people had it easy and that their road to success is without bumps and flat tires, we think that there is something special about them, but the truth is that there is something special in every one of us.

We all lose a track sometimes but I think the key to success is getting back on the horse time and time again, pursuing short and small successes in everything we do, and never giving up.

Sometimes its a good idea to step out of yourself and try and see things from a third person perspective, we all love what we do and are passionate about it,and that’s why we can get so very emotional about art, and not always see things rationally as others do.

I know I can get super emotional about this wonderful career, and I can’t help myself, I just love art making and storytelling too much.

I really hope this short testimony is prove that every artist has related issues.
We are never alone in this constant path of improvement.
At the end of the day its always worth it.

I hope this made some sense, if not I do apologise for wasting a bit of your life

P.S Never give up, and always be open minded about everything.

Ray